I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
