the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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