I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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