He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
