everyone is single if you try hard enough
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
