I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
