We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
