I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
