i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
