youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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