Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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