Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
