oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
