worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i think i have two assholes
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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