I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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