She's JV to your varsity
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
