I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize