i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
