people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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