how can u be prego again
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
