I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
