why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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