Three words: puerto rican gang bang
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
