You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My breasts were aching with rage.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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