youre lurking in front of me
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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