Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
