No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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