Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
