I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
