you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
