Well apparently he's into motor boating.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
