Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
