I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
