Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize