uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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