i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
