i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
