I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
