I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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