I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
