Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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