and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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