ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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