is your mom at the bar?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
