she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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