Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
