oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
