I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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