Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
