you didnt know i had herpes?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
That was an excessively violent trivia night
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
