She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
