dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
