My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize