Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
