you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
