I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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