i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
