I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
