True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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