someone get that fucking seahorse.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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