We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
