do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
