There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
