I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize