I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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